Procedural Writing learning story

We have been learning to describe a process.

When I write, I need to think about the ideas, structure & language, organization, vocabulary, sentences, spelling and punctuation I use.  

Ideas	Structure and Language	Organization	Vocabulary	Sentence Structure	Spelling	Punctuation
-write using a range of ideas, experiences or items of information -confidently shape my ideas for effect -create content that is concise and relevant to the curriculum task -support my ideas with precise detail -uses ‘show not tell’ when appropriate	-deliberately choose a clear, controlled and logical text structure to suit the audience and purpose -show creativity and innovation when creating texts for my audience -choose appropriate adjective, verbs, nouns and adverbs.	-write in structured, well developed paragraphs that flow well from one to the next within the text -use linking words and phrases to link paragraphs for effect -Use a bullet point or number to separate the different steps	-maintain audience interest through content, humour and language choices -use language that is suitable to the topic and purpose, and discuss these choices with others -deliberately use written and visual language features when appropriate to enhance my writing; e.g similes, metaphors, personification, hyperbole, rhetorical question and diagrams -use a range of precise vocabulary to communicate meaning	-use a variety of sentence structures, beginnings and lengths to give effect -use complex sentences that are grammatically correct -use some conjunctions correctly eg: FANBOYS (for, and, nor, but, or, yet, so) -use some complex sentences	-write all basic sound and spelling patterns and use spelling rules to write unknown words -spell words correctly by drawing on knowledge of how words work	-use all basic punctuation independently -attempt more complex punctuation (eg semicolons, colons, parentheses).

Here is a piece of writing I did this term.  

I was writing to describe the process that enables a lightbulb to turn on.  Notice how I used feedback to improve my work.

-electricity

-light

-energy

-lightbulb

-battery  

Start writing here:How to make a light bulb work. Is that you will need electricity, so the electricity forms to the light to make the light have energy. energy makes things move like a robot and also do stuff.  

In a light bulb, you will need to have a battery and the battery is called the power source.That's where the electricity comes from and also in a light bulb there's no gaps like a train.

Buddy Feedback: you need to put a comma in the first line where the Electricity- Ebony

Teacher Feedback:  Abigail, you have some key words like electricity, light, energy, lightbulb, battery.  You have got capitals in the middle of your sentences. Don’t start a sentence with a contraction like ‘also’.  Where are your paragraphs?